rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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