so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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