it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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