If that was your dad, he is hot
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
