her vagine was all disorganized.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
