How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
