I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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