I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
