It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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