You just made me feel so damn special
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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