I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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