New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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