ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
