So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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