YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You pole danced in your parka.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
