so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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