there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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