Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
