ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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