You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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