I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
