Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
