So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
