i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
