I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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