She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
