The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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