Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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