Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
