Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
