Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
