Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
