last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
