Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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