I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize