I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
