guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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