does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
