You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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