so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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