Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
