Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
