my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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