Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
