well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
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Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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