we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
