Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Non-Jews are for practice
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Found your dick twin last night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.