someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
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I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
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Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved