So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
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25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money