I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
this just has baby written all over it
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It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
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So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla