Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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