the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
