So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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