Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
