Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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