i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
