he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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