Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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