plz talk dirty to me
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
