I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
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She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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