gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
