Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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