just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
