Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it glows. i had to have it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
