just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
