i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
