He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
