Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
