I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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