Who wears a wallet chain?!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
whose parrot is this?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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